Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
