How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize