I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize