Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
