Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
