Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You've changed since you got that strap on
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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