I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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