When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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