The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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