do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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