She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
