Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sext me about skeletons
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
