Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
