The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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