he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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