But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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