You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
