The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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