Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
