Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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