just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
