We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
