I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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