I think my vagina is haunted
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
