It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
