I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
