I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
