my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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