I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The air was thick with penises
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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