yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
