Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
