then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
