watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize