Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
