In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
