dude i'm inner monologue high
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dignity is for republicans.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
