one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
