I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
