can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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