this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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