i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize