my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the day after is always just damage control
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
