even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize