After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
