He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
