I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
