I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I deserve this hangover.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
