How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize