Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
