you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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