I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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