I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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