I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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