Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
