He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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