That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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