if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
