We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
