Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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