Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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