we have pet lesbian snakes
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
