i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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