If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
