If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
