Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
