So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
