I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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