It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
