it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So much rum. So many feels.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
