Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize