I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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