wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
