i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
