i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
