She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
