smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
