There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i out mim tonsoeep
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