hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
