He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
