somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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