Don't you send me to vm
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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