If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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