I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
