Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
