well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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