i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
