We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
