I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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