Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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