Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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