fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This is my gift to your gina
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
