Your tits are I can't wait for
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
