Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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