i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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