Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
