i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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