i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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