i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
