Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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